The Dreamer

One of my habit as delulu girl is having dreams too big, almost impossible one.

Sometimes I share it with people close to me. I also like to hype other person dream and encourage them to pursue it, because I saw their potential.

Along the way, I've learned that not everyone approaches life in the same way. Some people are naturally cautious, some are practical, and some are dreamers. And I am a dreamer, on the delusion level. Sometimes I can came of as wrong way: toxic positivity, tone deaf, over-confident, arrogant, or too naive. And sometimes it is exhausting being the only one who supportive but not receive reciprocal energy: support when I need it the most. Thus, I’ve always felt especially grateful when I meet people who encourage growth, possibility, and continuous learning; because they are rare. 

So, in this life, when I meet people with same soul, the girl support girl, it becomes very refreshing. Lately I've been reflecting on a few women who have had a meaningful impact on my journey.

First one I know is Camila. Camila has been one of those people since we were teenagers. We've spent years encouraging each other's goals, celebrating wins, and reminding each other to keep going during difficult moments. Yes I think we both used to be too naive, sometimes stupid. But with her, I always think every possible way to improve myself better. She also always encourage me even when I constantly doubted myself. I remember she had a dream as a Judge since she was a child, and look at her now. Seeing her continue to pursue the dream she has carried since childhood has been inspiring.

In my doctoral journey, Mbak Dian has been a source of wisdom, encouragement, and generosity. She has always been willing to share her experience and help those of us who are still figuring things out. She always encouraging me to believe in myself, and support me when I need it the most. When I said I was lazy and overwhelmed, she constantly remind me and sometimes scold me like a big sister. She also generously share the tips and trick for all classmate to ease our journey. She not have to do that, but her support is essential for us who still wandering. Meeting with her always recharging because we always discuss how to improve our life better: as a student, as a lecturer, even as a Mom. And of course, how to navigate real life after study. 

And then there is Feymi, whose passion and dedication constantly impress me. 

It is rare to have someone with same vision as you, same dream, and same energy to reach it. We have equal passion in research. With Feymi, I can feel like a war general with loyal right hand (and we are ready to build our kingdom hahahaha). But in truth, Feymi is the real war general, I just share my vision, and she executes it. I see she has big potential to be a star because she is much much more cooler and have more achievement compare to who I am when I was in her age. Watching her grow, pursue her own goals, and build her own path has been a privilege. I have no doubt she will continue to achieve amazing things.

As life moves forward, our paths may take us to different places. One by one they will leave me soon.

Mbak Dian back to Makassar, to her hometown. Camila will study in Japan for two years (after we get close again, after eight years separated?? The world is too cruel). And Feymi, well she will chase her own dream, and I support her wholeheartedly wherever she will go. 

While part of me feels sad about the distance, another part feels grateful for having shared this season of life with them. Sure, people come into our lives, leave their mark, and continue their journeys. We cannot hold on to every moment forever, but we can appreciate it while it lasts.

Because one important thing I learn recently is detachment: you can’t be too clingy to something that doesn’t belong to you. And everything is belongs to Allah, remember?

May Allah bless their journeys, and may we all continue to find people who encourage us to grow, learn, and become better versions of ourselves.