33 Life Lessons

Adulting is hard. Nobody said it would be easy, and no one ever told me it would be this hard.

They say that when we enter Paradise, we will appear in the form we had at the age of 33. Perhaps because 33 is considered the peak of our youth. 

But personally, being 33 has been quite a roller-coaster year for me.

Some of the hardest trials of my life happened within this past year. It began with the passing of my father, which forced me to confront inner wounds that I had avoided for so long. Slowly, I also began to recognize the unhealthy relationships I had experienced with others, and little by little, I learned to forgive, let go, and accept.

The tears, months of insomnia, and repeatedly going through the five stages of grief took a considerable toll on my mental health. On top of that, these are also the final years of my PhD journey for both Ghozi and me, which has added even more emotional and mental pressure.

Throughout this PhD journey, I found myself trying many new things as coping mechanisms for stress. I learned how to play chess, became consistent with running and going to the gym, learned how to drive, and even started writing fiction. All of these became little escapes from the burdens of being a Doctoral student.

As I approach 34, I want to gather the 33 life lessons I have learned during my 33rd year. I was inspired by my best friend Camila, who collects life lessons every year on her birthday.

So, here are my 33 life lessons.

1. No such thing as a luck. What people called as luck is when preparation meets the opportunity
2. If you leave 4 things to focus on one things, you probably will miss a lot of things. So just choose to juggling five things; you will get 3 of them anyway
3. Four or five years will passed with or without degree anyway, so I choose to enjoy my journey while add some knowledge and degree.
4. In this life, side quest also equally important with your main quest. It keeps you from stress, help your growth journey, and make your life more colorful
5. No one can really love you other than yourself, so please love yourself and believe in yourself.
6. Every beautiful things take times to form. Be patient.
7. You will regret more when you not trying at all, rather than when you trying but failed.
8. Be kind but have self-respect. For those who can’t see your value and kindness, well let them loses access to you.
9. When you have enough self-respect, people will stop disrespecting you.
10. No one can make you inferior without your consent
11. Never ever be friend with insecure people.
12. People who need you belittling yourself to feel okay are not your people
13. Some drama are beneath you, not worthy your time and energy
14. In chess, if you have a winning position, you don’t need to tell opponent that he is losing. You just deliver the checkmate.
15. Be a competent but unbothered, because you don’t need anyone validation
16. The most attractive thing a women can do is to become so successful and so happy with yourself that you genuinely stop noticing if someone looking at you or not.
17. You are the five people around you. Surround yourself with people who value your bright mind and dream.
18. The most beautiful growth is becoming a version of yourself that is completely unrecognizable to those who tried to keep you small.
19. Learn neuroplasticity - we literally can be everything we believe we can do
20. When people said you change, that is the whole purpose. Change shows that you are grow.
21. One thing people forget about growth, it can be really painful to outgrow last version of you. But it worth it in the end.
22. Focus on your long term goal rather that short-term pleasure.
23. My dream is big and I’m not scared to reach it.
24. It is important to support and encourage people to reach their dreams and best potential
25. Think every possible way to improve yourself, to become better version of yourself
26. Be grateful when you meet someone that encourage you to grow, learn, and become better version of ourselves. They are very rare.
27. One important things to learn is detachment: you can't be too clingy to something that doesn't belong to you. And remember that everything is belong to Allah.
28. Some people cross the path with you not to stay forever, but to teach you something. Learn from their wisdom.
29. People come into our lives, leave their mark, and continue their journey.
30. We cannot hold to every moment forever, but we can appreciate it while it last.
31. Stop chasing validation from people that will never give it to you (or people in general, actually).
32. Learn not to love too much, because the greatest disappointments often come from placing too much hope in other people.
33. That's it. I am running out quote.